Captain Obvious – Page 89

The Most Interesting Man (Continued)

I don’t drink beer very often, but when I do …

That probably brings to mind the person who just retired this week as the pitch man for Dos Equis. The ads almost always feature beautiful women draped on his shoulder, implying of course that if you drink that beer women will find you attractive. Silly for sure, but iconic.

In tribute to him, I found the top 100 things he claimed … just for fun. Knowing you don’t have time to read all 100, I have broken the list into bite size pieces for your enjoyment over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

31. He lives vicariously through himself
32. His business card simply says ‘I’ll Call You”
33. He once taught a German shepherd how to bark in Spanish
34. He bowls overhand
35. In museums, he is allowed to touch the art
36. He is allowed to talk about the fight club
37. He once won a fist fight, only using his beard
38. He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle
39. A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush
40. His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph
41. The Holy Grail is looking for him
42. Roses stop to smell him
43. He once started a fire using only dental floss and water
44. His sweat is the cure for the common cold
45. Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him
46. Werewolves are jealous of his beard
47. He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian
48. He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards
49. He never wears a watch because time is always on his side
50. He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks
51. He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice
52. If opportunity knocks, and he’s not at home, opportunity waits
53. Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him
54. When he was young he once sent his parents to his room
55. He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels
56. His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body
57. His blood smells like cologne
58. On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
59. His hands feel like rich brown suede
60. Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect

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Not Everything is about Economics

The ground under logical minds shook this week as the world responded to Tesla’s Model 3 announcement. Pundits predicted 85,000 would plunk down their $1,000 deposits, and in all too familiar fashion, Elon Musk blew them away. According to the latest information, about 300,000 people have placed deposits on the Model 3, which equates to $11 billion in sales backlog.

Read what the Wall Street Journal has to say about the Tesla Model 3.

All this at a time when fuel prices are at all-time lows and no one even asked the question how this car might save money … NO ONE! It is a fact that for many, it will not save money. No one seems to care. No one asked the question. Now what does that say about electric vehicles and especially about this car?

“I want one” has replaced the “I need one.” Emotion over the car’s looks, the proven performance, and the prestige of ownership is showing through.

Maybe, just maybe, there is a lesson here for all of us trying to tweak the economics of our energy alternatives. Where are phrases like “Live better electrically” coined in the 50’s when you need them?

The Most Interesting Man

I don’t drink beer very often, but when I do …

He gave his father “the talk”
His passport requires no photograph
When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value
Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died
His Cinco de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March
His feet don’t get blisters, but his shoes do
He once went to the psychic, to warn her
If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him
Whatever side of the tracks he’s currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he’ll still be on the right side
He can speak Russian… in French
He never says something tastes like chicken … not even chicken
Superman has pajamas with his logo
His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries
The circus ran away to join him
Bear hugs are what he gives bears
He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds
When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring
His friends call him by his name, his enemies don’t call him anything because they are all dead
He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool
If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn’t be dark
He once won a staring contest with his own reflection
He can kill two stones with one bird
His signature won a Pulitzer
When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it
He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket
The dark is afraid of him
Sharks have a week dedicated to him
His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons
No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard
He once made a weeping willow laugh

Gladiators

I have now concluded that politics and the news cycle have nothing to do with reality. It is all about theater and spectacle. It reminds me a bit about what I believe might have happened in the time of the ancient Romans when the Emperor used gladiators to keep the populace entertained … kind of like the TV wrestling matches except with a lot more physical harm to the participants.

According to Wikipedia, a gladiator (from the Latin: gladiator, “swordsman,” from gladius, “sword”) was an armed combatant who entertained audiences in the Roman Empire in violent confrontations with other gladiators, wild animals, and condemned criminals. Some gladiators were volunteers who risked their lives and their legal and social standing by appearing in the arena. Most were despised as slaves, schooled under harsh conditions, socially marginalized, and segregated even in death. That seems to match up well with our presidential candidates now doesn’t it?

Irrespective of their origin, gladiators offered spectators an example of Rome’s martial ethics and, in fighting or dying well; they could inspire admiration and popular acclaim. They were celebrated in high and low art, and their value as entertainers was commemorated in precious and commonplace objects throughout the Roman world. The movie Gladiator starring Russel Crow certainly lived up to this description.

The origin of gladiatorial combat is open to debate. When Susan, Stephen, and I visited Rome, the tour guide’s claim was that there were many factors leading to the practice. Wealthy people would fund an event to gain favor with the people and the political leadership … kind of like attending Distributech where some of the booths had their own zip codes. The funniest tidbit our guide shared as we toured the Coliseum was her answer to my question about how they funded the construction. She explained that attending was almost always free, but there was a charge for going to the bathroom.

We saw the same when we visited Greece two years prior to that. Paying to go funded a lot back then. Maybe we should revisit this concept. In the US, bathrooms are almost always free. That was not the case in Europe. Seems like the basic bodily functions might be the key to funding our economic recovery. Just a thought.

The gladiator games lasted for nearly a thousand years, reaching their peak between the 1st century BC and the 2nd century AD. The games finally declined during the early 5th century after the adoption of Christianity as the state church of the Roman Empire in 380. Perhaps we are now seeing the reemergence of the games. The weapons have changed of course. And, the pen is mightier than the sword for sure, but does a joust using words truly provide entertainment here? Worse yet, what damage will it leave in its wake? Lots of dead bodies I fear.

Worse yet, these events aren’t free. They are terribly costly. I have to stop … got to go …