You all know what the word means: Decorum refers to proper and polite behavior or, more broadly, the appropriateness of style or content in a specific context. It encompasses etiquette, decency, and respectfulness, often used in settings like classrooms or courtrooms. If you need to see some streetwise illustrations of the contrary, click to watch Chris Rock’s advice about interacting with the police.
The recent blowup between Musk and Trump illustrates why the age-old adage is so true: if you can’t say something nice about a person, don’t say anything at all. It is OK to entertain thoughts in your head, but once you say them to others, consider the long-term consequences.
Sometimes you have to reach deep into your brain to come up with the right answer to competitive questions like this: “how does your product compare to …” Today’s large companies are prone to lawsuits, so in the case in point I simply said: “ours offers practical answers to everyday customer questions.”
I often use the phrases, “you can’t fix stupid,” but after many attempts to explain something, have resorted to saying, “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.” The results are always incendiary … it would have been much better to resort to the southern way of saying the same thing: “Well, bless your heart.”
There are of course times when the truthful answer hurts. Decades ago, I was asked how customers could fall for such wildly unrealistic claims about cogeneration system payback and trust the underhanded slimy wheelers and dealers proposing projects to them. My response angered many in the audience when I said: “apparently your customers trust them more than they trust you.”
One of the most humorous responses to my quips was after I described utilities change in geological time frames. I didn’t know that a top ranking officer from that utility was in the room until he stood up and barked at me: “Mr. Gilbert … I have had about all I can take of your exaggerations about utility leadership and the pace of change. You say we change in geologic time frames … we don’t move that quickly!” Humor can almost always soften the tone.
I do like what I see now in the White House briefings: people are raising their hands if they have a question. How nice. Historically these briefings seemed to be like the open outcry system we used to use in the mercantile exchanges, which have largely been eliminated in favor of electronic trading.
Hailing a cab in New York City using hand gestures has been replaced by more dignified requests of Uber and Lyft, both of which offer opportunities to rate the passengers and the drivers. Maybe that’s the model we should follow for all public discourse: audience meters … like what the media uses during debates.
Maybe some kind of electronic feedback can tame the tempers and let people know when they are out of bounds. Anything would be better than allowing the world to watch adults behaving badly.